Self-Worth

Self-Worth

Many tend to have a very low self-esteem. In fact, i'm one of them. Sure I can put on a display of being confident and talk a good game but on the inside I feel worthless. There are so many things I would change about myself. My looks, my weight, reverse some of these scars I've brought on myself because of a scab picking disorder. Some think i'm pretty and others don't.

Many can't get past my weight. I've been called "fat ass" and "cow" by more people than I can even handle most of the time. I play this act like I don't really care but to be completely honest, it hurts. Especially when it's really all you hear. I've come to realize, You're not going to be pretty or sexy to others unless you're pretty and sexy to yourself.

You have to find your own self worth and confidence. Sure I have a bit of a problem with my weight but it could be much worse. Most of it is in my thighs and my chest anyway. I have a gut but oh well. I'm not worthless, My father actually told me he was proud of me yesterday for how much I was doing around the house lately. I got all the laundry washed and folded, Kept up on the dishes, and took good care of my son spending a ton of time with him instead of on my phone the whole time sitting on my ass doing nothing and my son tells me every day that he loves me.

You have to start with little things you take pride in. What are you good at doing? What are some personality traits about yourself that you like? For example: me. I'm pretty funny, i'm easy to get along with, I stick up for what I believe in, I don't tolerate people's bullshit and stick up for others, physically I like my chest and my thighs, I like that I've been losing weight, and I like the color of my eyes. I'm decent at putting on makeup and feel beautiful wearing it. I like that i've found a love in books and I like i'm good at movie trivia. I can list all the movies an actor has been in just by looking at their face.

All those things should make me feel proud of who I am if it weren't that I can't get passed how people call me ugly and put me down because of my weight. Standards these days looking at models are ridiculous and that's the kind of women men appeal to most these days.

To be honest, because of how shallow men are lately I am not even interested in forming romantic relationships with any of them anymore. It's been over a year since i've been in a relationship or even intimate with a man. I'm actually rather fine with it because i'm worth more than how many men have treated me in the past. I'm above the abuse and neglect, the lies and being cheated on. I'm better deserving than that. I've to a point found my self-worth.

I need to think myself beautiful and stop degrading myself with the "They must be right, i'm very fat and ugly" that's not even true. I'm a little overweight, that's not fat, and ugly... no such thing. We're all beautiful in out own way and in somebody's eyes we need to see it through our own.