Stitches Bitches!

Stitches Bitches!

By now it shouldn't come as a surprise that i'm a self-harm-er. I've been cutting for years. Being as this blog is about everything good and bad i'm not trying to pull a "pity party" as it were. i'm just explaining stuff going on in my life sort of as it happens. Besides I've been neglecting my blog so I suppose one good post and one bad. Can't have one without the other right? Good and evil? 

Well anyway I've gotten into heated fights with my parents over dumb shit three days almost four in a row now. Yesterday was just overbearing. Since I had gone about six months recovering from my cutting, I was under so much stress that I just couldn't handle it and said how i'm just going to go cut.

First of all let me give you the 4-1-1. Cutting is not a form of getting attention. We go through so much emotional pain that we feel we have to inflict it physically for some release. It's no different than smoking weed to take the edge off of stressful situations except for the fact ending up in the ER is rarely needed. This is why I cut, I need to release my pain to make me feel better. Apparently that's a real thing even to EMTs and volunteer Firefighters, Doctors, Nurses, etc.

This pain landed me into the ER. I was so stressed out that I cut. Didn't get two far. By the second round I ended up cutting too deep and freaked out. It was 2 inches deep (according to the EMT and 4 inches long across. I yelled to my mom that I cut too deep as I was hysterical on the second floor holding a rag over my sliced arm. Let me tell you, It was not a suicidal attempt. It wasn't even my wrist i cut, it was my upper arm.

The EMTs were called and I went with them to University Hospitals ER. It was rather quick moving that day. I waited for a while and played in my phone as I was stuck in a suicidal observation room. The doctor came in and asked the normal "what happened?" I explained everything up front. I am a cutter, I cut too deep and freaked out, no i'm not suicidal, no I don't think I need a Psych Eval, Do not feel like killing myself or hurting other people (except my husband except I don't think that's what they intended. I guess I've been doing this a while because I've had psych eval in the past and come to learn how to "work the system"

They overall came in and told me i'd definitely need stitches. This was my first incident where I needed to get stitched up actually. So I chatted up with the doctor as she numbed my arm and stitched me up. I needed 10 stitches total which I guess was a lot and she told me i'd need them out in 7-10 days.

It was a very "exciting" event and now i just want to drink beer and relax.