Improving Relationships

Improving Relationships

Have you ever found it impossible to keep positive relationships with your family members? I did. My father and I used to hate each other and fight constantly. We never met eye-to-eye on anything and always got into arguments where we'd both say things we'd later regret. My sister and I also didn't like one another very much. As for my mother, she tried to at least tolerate me and my behavior but us too would get into arguments and I would be targeted when she was stressed. Nothing I ever did was sufficient for any of them.

I always blamed their behavior for things that went awry. I never stopped to think that it was me that was in fact the true problem here. I am a very defensive and outspoken person. I have a zero bullshit tolerance and will fight back. i'm not the one to just smile sweetly and nod whenever I get yelled at, I will yell back and very often say things very below the belt compared to things said to me. Perhaps it's my Bi-polar or maybe it's just some personality traits that i've been somewhat cursed to have.

I was changed on medications constantly to find what was right for me and I think i've finally gotten it right. I have been more listening to their critiques and I've stopped blaming them for everything. I have changed a lot. I am doing a lot more around the house and ultimately be more responsible for getting things done as well as my actions and behavior, offer to do things to help others in the house, and engaged more in positive conversations. Not going to say there haven't been any fights but my parents have been laying off me much more and my sister has taken to actually try to engage in conversation with me.

My father has been laying off me damn near completely. he'll say things like "i'd hate to ask you to do even more but can you do this?" and will even help me out with favors when I ask without groaning. for example he helped me with my bookcase yesterday. He's barely has any energy left in him and I think that just comes with age. When he was having a hard time I apologized saying I didn't know it would be such a pain in the ass. He said it was no problem. Today I was up in my room on the computer, at first he was calling me downstairs so he could go to his room and take a nap. He then decided he would lay down on the couch so my son wouldn't be alone and let me stay in my room. I did however come down stairs after doing a few blog related things.

My mom has been laying off me as well too. She occasionally will think of me while she's at the store and get me a little something and thank me for doing different chores around the house. Our relationship also improve  though we do still fight occasionally. She tries to get me to go with her to our summer home most of the time on the weekends but lately I've been busy keeping up on the house and getting my stuff taken care of.

My sister seems to like me more now too since i'm always on top of dish duty when she used to do them twice daily. She now engages in conversations with me and vents to me when she's irritated. I've started defending her to her son who often treats her like a slave and expects her to do everything for him. She used to criticize and mock me damn near daily. She'd always have some snarky remark in her system she had to let out and generally it was toward me. She has abstained from that mostly now since I suppose she noticed i'm trying to be a productive part of the family. We don't get into name calling spats much anymore and now maturely agree to disagree. She still gets on my nerves a little with some of the things she does but that's just because she's my sister and you're supposed to get on each other's nerves. I'm sure things I do get on hers a bit too.

My mother's youngest sister used to hate me because I used to treat my mother poorly. I honestly don't blame her either. Even that relationship has greatly improved. I have apologized for my past behavior and treatment of others and that I was trying my hardest to make amends with the loved ones I've hurt greatly. Since then, She's offered to help pay for things regarding my dog and in exchange I've volunteered to help her with projects she had at home as well as just hang out with her at her house. I've yet to keep my part of the bargain but I have been busy as well as she. She even asked for a selfie op with me at my other sister's family get together. That actually shocked me! My Aunt Maria is now my favorite of my Aunts. I should call her soon to oblige with those promises I've made her or even take a walk up to the nearest mini-lake.

I have changed a lot for the better and i'm so glad for it. Things have really turned around in this house and a lot of the tension has since been relieved. Sure there's still some instances where stress arise but I tend to keep away from those situations and very seldom is it directed toward me. It mainly happens when my parents are stressed out and having a bad week. They just can't bottle it up forever as my parents tend to do.