Tearful Day

Tearful Day

Today has been a pretty rough day for me. I had an interview coming up tomorrow and my mom and I got into an argument over it. She complained and told me all her reasons why I shouldn't do it. I told her "Fine then I won't fucking go! Happy now!?" So I stormed upstairs, got dressed and left the house. I walked up to CVS for a little therapeutic shopping using the money I was saving for an outfit for tomorrow. I bought four lipsticks, an eye shadow Palette, and a couple hair thingies. 

When I got back home all hell broke loose. My mother and I got into another fight as did my foster brother and I. He said some pretty cruel things that he should not have said. In fact he should've minded his own fucking business in the first place. He later apologized for one remark but that did not make up for anything that came out of his big trap. I have lost all respect for him due to that and the little sliver of respect I might or might not have had for my mom for not telling him to shut up. I cried 3 tears today that hit the floor from where I was sitting. That was all I could manage to get out.

I don't know why I have to be treated like shit by damn near everyone in the house with the exception of maybe my dad. No one appreciates what I do around the house or even thanks me except for him. I refuse to go to my interview tomorrow and just stay stuck in this hell on earth. My best friend says I don't deserve the abuse they unleash on me damn near daily. I must deviate from her opinion. This seems to have been a long time coming. I've dealt with abuse from my husband why not just transfer it among the people who are supposed to love me unconditionally?

Most families have their ups and downs, agreements and disagreements. Usually not any one person is targeted or favored among them though. Unfortunately that family is not my own. It's a crazy house here i'm the target and my sister is the favored among all. It's really painful to have to go through this daily where nothing I do is ever good enough and I never get their support in anything. I'm so tempted to just throw in the towel and not do anything from them anymore. Not that they'd learn their lesson or that they would pick fights with me any less, probably just the opposite.

My mother complains that no body ever does anything. I think that is bullshit that she doesn't acknowledge the fact I stay up late on the weekends to make sure all the dishes are clean, keep up on the laundry, straighten out various rooms. She must think it's either my sister doing it or perhaps gullible enough to believe it's dusting pixies that come in through the night while she's asleep to get it all done. Whatever it is she needs to get her facts straight. My father knows better. He'll occasionally wake up to use the bathroom at night and see me washing dishes by hand or folding laundry.

I just wish there was some god damned appreciation for me around here!