Stitches Bitches!

Stitches Bitches!

By now it shouldn't come as a surprise that i'm a self-harm-er. I've been cutting for years. Being as this blog is about everything good and bad i'm not trying to pull a "pity party" as it were. i'm just explaining stuff going on in my life sort of as it happens. Besides I've been neglecting my blog so I suppose one good post and one bad. Can't have one without the other right? Good and evil? 

Well anyway I've gotten into heated fights with my parents over dumb shit three days almost four in a row now. Yesterday was just overbearing. Since I had gone about six months recovering from my cutting, I was under so much stress that I just couldn't handle it and said how i'm just going to go cut.

First of all let me give you the 4-1-1. Cutting is not a form of getting attention. We go through so much emotional pain that we feel we have to inflict it physically for some release. It's no different than smoking weed to take the edge off of stressful situations except for the fact ending up in the ER is rarely needed. This is why I cut, I need to release my pain to make me feel better. Apparently that's a real thing even to EMTs and volunteer Firefighters, Doctors, Nurses, etc.

This pain landed me into the ER. I was so stressed out that I cut. Didn't get two far. By the second round I ended up cutting too deep and freaked out. It was 2 inches deep (according to the EMT and 4 inches long across. I yelled to my mom that I cut too deep as I was hysterical on the second floor holding a rag over my sliced arm. Let me tell you, It was not a suicidal attempt. It wasn't even my wrist i cut, it was my upper arm.

The EMTs were called and I went with them to University Hospitals ER. It was rather quick moving that day. I waited for a while and played in my phone as I was stuck in a suicidal observation room. The doctor came in and asked the normal "what happened?" I explained everything up front. I am a cutter, I cut too deep and freaked out, no i'm not suicidal, no I don't think I need a Psych Eval, Do not feel like killing myself or hurting other people (except my husband except I don't think that's what they intended. I guess I've been doing this a while because I've had psych eval in the past and come to learn how to "work the system"

They overall came in and told me i'd definitely need stitches. This was my first incident where I needed to get stitched up actually. So I chatted up with the doctor as she numbed my arm and stitched me up. I needed 10 stitches total which I guess was a lot and she told me i'd need them out in 7-10 days.

It was a very "exciting" event and now i just want to drink beer and relax.

Tarot Journey

Tarot Journey

I have taken an interest in Tarot cards. I have asked my mom for a deck for my birthday to practice. There's just something about Divination that catches my interest. Whether it be runes, pendulum readings, Crystal Balls, or The Tarot themselves. I had found my all time favorite deck on Amazon which was a Fairy (Faerie) deck. When I had told my friend, whom I didn't even know practiced Tarot, She told me she had a deck she could give me. Ironically enough it was a fairy deck.

There is a rumor that it's a great omen to get the deck gifted to you so perhaps it's fate. Funny thing is it was new in box! The deck hadn't even been unwrapped from it's plastic and it came with a guide book which I completed reading in two or three days.

The problem with this deck is it is a complex deck to work with. While with my other deck, Witches Tarot, is a yes or no easily readable deck where it's rather easy to decipher the meanings of each card, The Mystic Faerie Tarot deck isn't so easy. The meanings are way more in depth than a yes or no plus to get an accurate reading you need to ask more for guidance more so than the actual "yes/no" questions. 

The deck is however beautiful. The artwork is in a water color style and of course it's Faeries! When I opened the box and went through the cards, I absolutely fell in love to the point where I don't really want a deck for my birthday. The faeries make each card into the form of a story line to make it easier to remember, despite my memory being shit at best.

A friend said it could be a possible career move. I would agree once I learned other forms of divination as well as The decks of cards I currently own. I had bought two more decks on E-bay not knowing they were knock offs like people in a tarot group bashed me for saying "i'm not assuming anything, i'm putting 2 and 2 together" when she was absolutely wrong. Knock-Offs or not the decks are somewhat smaller than a traditional Tarot deck making it easier to shuffle and deal. Hopefully my friend is right and I can with go a job doing this if i can. lord knows i need the money.