Tuesday, May 30, 2017

Out Of The Ordinary

Out Of The Ordinary


I am a mystery to myself. Most days i'm extremely lazy and groan when I am asked to do things but there are a rare few occasions when i'm bright eyed and bushy tailed and extremely productive like I was yesterday. Last saturday my mother and sister took my nephew and oldest foster brother to our family's summer home in Port Clinton, Ohio. I didn't get much done Saturday or Sunday, but monday I was on fire getting things done. I suppose I'm generally happier when my mother and sister aren't home. My father asked me to pick up my son's toys while he was out shopping. This is the order in how I achieved a lot. I finished filling up and ran the dishwasher. I put my son's toys away like my father asked. I washed a few dishes that didn't make it to the washer by hand. I cleaned up the kitchen a bit. I unloaded the washer when it was finished and loaded a few more random dishes because we had run out of liquid dish soap to wash them by hand. I was working on my budget when my father got home. I collected my dirty laundry and got it into the wash. My mother and sister came home shortly after my father and then drama ensued. I had been proud of myself for doing so much but upset at some of my mother's actions so I went into my bedroom. While I was in my bedroom I put my new bed set on my bed finally and made it look nice.

I cleared off my desk because I was planning to take all my new computer equipment upstairs to my room, Which I did do and organized later on. I even picked up my room a bit. My son came upstairs and visited me after I had finished and I was just laying on my bed at that point. We talked and had a tickle fight. He left the room briefly and came back with the fan from my foster brothers room and he had plugged it in, put it on, and aimed it at me. He also gave me a kiss on the forehead before leaving the room. I had went downstairs to switch my load from the washer to the dryer and kept an eye on it so when it was done I could fold it. Little did I know I'd be putting it away that day too. I stayed upstairs most of the evening because I was very upset with how my Memorial Day turned out. I took a shower and my son came in while I was preparing for bed. He told me to get in bed, re-aimed the fan at me, put on my lamp, and handed me the book i've been reading lately then left the room. I read for an hour or so then turned off the light and laid down because I was assuming he was asleep with his grandmother. He came in again saying he wanted to sleep with me and hopped into bed where we talked, cuddled, and eventually fell asleep. The day was full of productivity for me as well as love from my son. I was amazed and so very proud of him for taking care of me that evening. He had made my night a bit brighter and I would be lost without my son.

Wednesday, May 24, 2017

The Fidget Spinner Controversy

The Fidget Spinner Controversy



So what's the deal with fidget spinners? Are they tools or toys? The war has begun about this new trend. I was having a debate with my friend on facebook about these little gadgets and have come to the conclusion, they're pretty much both! Some parents buy their children these gadgets to help them focus in class and others... well they get their kids these "toys" just to show off to their friends and in a way, abuse. They come in a variety of colors, shapes, and themes. from stars to batman.

I am guilty of buying one of these for my 5 year old son. but why? The answer is, he has anger control problems, anxiety, and stresses out when there's drama at home. He has showed signs of OCD and ADHD as well. Am I abusing this tool by purchasing one for him? I think not. Fidget Spinners were originally created as a tool to help people suffering with Stress, Anxiety, Autism Spectrum Disorders, and ADHD to fidget with it in school or the workplace to stay focused. It is not a toy! 

Since the debut of these tools, it had become a trend to have one. Children are misusing them and tend to cause a distraction in class by showing them off to their friends or throwing them at other kids like ninja stars. Isn't it our job as parents to curb our children's school and home behavior? Why aren't some parents instilling the value in their children how to properly use these "toys" they proceed to buy for their kids? These are really some questions I would like the answer to.

These items are now on the verge of getting banned. There's rumors that it will be on an IEP basis but what about all the children who have trouble focus or just finicky in general? They're privilege to carry one in school will be prohibited by this ban and I don't believe that is right. That just because some children misuse them that now the children who need them can't have them unless otherwise stated by the IEP of the child.

To be honest, I find them to be a harmless item that if someone wants one, they can have one, but don't abuse the purpose for which it's intended. I have ADHD, OCD, Generalized Anxiety, and often deal with overbearing stress. I have purchased one for myself to use while at work and even at home on occasion. I get fidgety and often find it hard to keep focus on the task at hand. Let your child have one. If they misuse it at school keep it at home. It's not a show and tell item.


Tuesday, May 23, 2017

Alienware Gaming

Alienware Gaming


Property of Alienware

So I bought an Alienware 17 R4 Laptop from Dell and I will admit that at the beginning I had a lot of issues with it. When I first unpacked it I couldn't find the power cord for 30 minutes because unlike other laptops where it's obviously exposed to your view, the Alienware power cord was tucked away inside the binding of the box and out of view. This is my first Alienware product so I wasn't aware of how they package the items. Well I finally found the power cord and plugged my laptop into an outlet. I didn't really start setting up and personalizing my new laptop until the next day.

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The next day after I moved the surprisingly lightweight laptop into another room and plugged it in I began setup and personalization. I linked my OneDrive but the first hardrive didn't save it all. It was very small space available. Luckily I discovered there was another 986 GB hardrive in the laptop and that made all my frustrations go away. I downloaded all the programs I wanted and updated all the software. My former foster brother assisted me with a driver that could customize the lit up external features such as touchpad, keyboard, LED sides, power button, and logo on the back. I love purple so I made all purple except for the keyboard that I left to morph different colors. The only annoying thing about this laptop is it only has 2 USB ports which I find unusual for a gaming laptop so all I can connect to it are my disc burning disc drive and my wired mouse for my SIMS playing time. otherwise to connect anything else USB-wise I have to remove something. I have come comfortable with how my laptop functions. The graphics are amazing and it even has an eye tracking feature that will light up the screen on its own when you sit down and dim the screen when you're looking away for a period of time. I found that a little creepy but really cool. The sound reaches pretty loud levels and it's compatible with practically everything. I haven't tested Star Wars: Battlefront on it yet which I probably will do when I get home. Overall I love this laptop and would highly recommend it if you like sleek style laptops and great sound and graphics. I use Microsoft office on it and itunes and I do various downloading as well. I bought a 3 year damage and service plan on it and It's sturdy so as long as my little boy keeps his hands off it, it should last a long time. I will definitely look into Alienware laptops in the future.


*Note* I was not paid for or solicited for my personal review of the product. I paid for the Laptop with my personal funds and just so in love with it I had to share!*

Sunday, May 21, 2017

Hospitalized

Hospitalized


Last Monday I had a doctor appointment. I complained of fatigue, extreme weakness especially in my legs, and severe shortness of breath as if someone or something were squeezing my lungs and I mentioned to the doctor "It feels like I can't get as much oxygen as my body is wanting and I feel like i'm suffocating sometimes" Now the previous month I took various blood tests. it took the doctor a month to review the results! Of course I'm going to get a new doctor since in that month that I could have had a heads up my blood count went from 6 to what turned into 4 when I had my initial blood test after being directly admitted to the hospital. He may be a nice guy but what an idiot!

So I was directly admitted into the Ahuja Medical Center and Hospital straight from that doctor's appointment because the results indicated that I was severely anemic and had an extremely low blood count and they needed to find out why.

Night one I had a 3 unit worth blood transfusion. I was dubbed a fall risk and couldn't get out of bed to take a shit without a nurse escort. I was really surprised I got any sleep that night as aids came to take my vitals every hour and others came to sit with me the first fifteen minutes out of every hour to make sure I was reacting well to the new blood.

Day two I had a unit of pure iron pumped into my body through my IV because it was determined that I also had an iron deficiency. I was put on a clear liquids diet after breakfast because one of the doctors came in and said he wants to do an Endoscopy and Colonoscopy on me in a couple days to see if there were ulcers or any sort of internal bleeding.



Day three I had to drink a gallon of an extremely salty solution to clear out my colon. It seriously made me piss out of my ass! It was disgusting to drink but I got the whole jug down in an hour. They also had a little music therapy there. A music therapist strummed on her guitar playing various songs that the patients requested off a list. It was actually rather nice. I was also told by the nurses that when they were checking on me that I had stopped breathing in my sleep and also suspect I have Sleep Apnea. My mom visited me every day and my sister also came with her a couple times. I would have been completely fine if she didn't as we don't have a fair relationship but I suppose I should be grateful she cared enough to want to visit me either way. My mom also presented me with a tiny gift from the gift shop which I loved and greatly appreciated.


Day four I had a busy day. I had the Endoscopy and Colonoscopy that morning. Luckily I was knocked out for the whole thing but I will admit I woke up rather confused about the time and even where I was. which came back normal and the doctor commented "You have a beautiful colon" uh... THANKS! I think... I had to remain on the clear liquid diet because they had another test they wanted to run on me the next day.

The final day they decided they wanted me to swallow a camera the size of a horse pill. I had to wear a bulky recorder and a mini computer storage unit on a belt for 12 hours. They discharged me that day and requested that I return the equipment the next Monday. after 2 hours I was on a soft foods diet like mashed potatoes and soup. That evening I ate a nice meal. I was so happy I was able to take the annoying belt and recorder off the next morning.

While I was in the hospital I had gotten a few packages at home which included an Alienware Laptop. So of course I was excited to get home and play with my new toys. I now have to follow up with a blood doctor to get another transfusion, and with my aggravating primary care physician to get a referral for a sleep study to confirm the sleep apnea. I'm on anti-acid medication and iron pills now but on the bright side the shortness of breath and weakness almost completely went away since the transfusion and I can only hope to keep improving. My legs don't hurt as much and I can walk around more frequently.I still have a hard time going up the stairs unfortunately but my health is better now than it was and now i'm finally getting answers as to why I'm feeling this or that way. I now have hope in the future.

Wednesday, May 10, 2017

A Boy To Cherish

A Boy To Cherish



Tomorrow will mark the 5 year Anniversary of a child who has changed my life! 6 years ago I ran away from home and was the worst parent imaginable leaving two children behind. I was extremely selfish and reckless. I had ran off to Arizona with a former boyfriend. He was my highschool sweetheart and was in the end toxic to me. He too was selfish and Obsessive and set in his ways. I had been up all night with horrible cramping and stomach pains. I walked myself to the Arizona Hospital in Tucson where I discovered that I was pregnant. I had been told previously that it would be hard to impossible to get pregnant again after I had a Leep procedure done to remove cancerous cells in my uterus in 2009. Upon trying and not succeeding with my husband I figured that was that. So you could imagine my response when I was in the ER and told I was pregnant. I actually said "I'm sorry there must be a mistake, I can't conceive anymore. Please check the results again" Sure enough I was but little did I know that child would be my light at the end of a dark tunnel. I stopped smoking weed and cigarettes and quit drinking. Things went south between me and the father and I contacted my family back in Ohio and pleaded to go home. They accepted me back. My pregnancy was very difficult. I wasn't medicated for a time and my emotions were all over. I was crying every night due to the manipulations of my husband's phone calls and cruel texts. I self harmed almost daily and ended up hospitalized almost every other week for self-harm and to monitor the baby due to my reckless acts of hysteria and mental decline. I was asked if I planned to keep the baby or put him/her up for adoption and if i'd ever care for him as I do my other son with my husband. I didn't have the answers. For the longest time I wasn't thinking in my right mind and had posted a status on Facebook saying I won't tell anyone when it's time and give birth in my bedroom alone. When I was in my 7th month I was then medicated and doing better. My only problems were morning sickness and cramping. My whole overture changed and I stopped self harming by cutting off all ties with the husband and keeping myself med compliant. I became excited for the baby and couldn't wait to prepare for his arrival. I was inspired to name him Tristan Danyael. I am a big movie buff so I named him Tristan after the main character in the movie Stardust and Danyael which was the name of an Angel in one of the Prophecy movies. Tristan was born May 11th all natural and I cried tears of joy when I saw my beautiful new son. I had one more excursion after his birth where I stayed with a man a couple nights in July and was then no longer able to breast feed my son but after that I changed. I dedicated myself to my boy. 

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I stopped running away and put him first. I would occasionally go out on dates but even now I don't anymore or even go out to anywhere but work and my appointments. It's hard to believe that he's going to be 5 years old. Where did the time go? He's normally a sweet caring boy but can be a little stinker like most boys are. I'm proud to say I had a big hand in his potty training and he's extremely smart. He always finds new surprising ways to make me so proud of him. Mommy loves you Boo! Happy 5th Birthday to my handsome and adoring son!

An Update On Me

An Update On Me



So a little update on what's going on with me... I decided to start school in the fall. I feel highly disappointed in myself for constantly pushing it back but I don't feel well enough to go. My leg problems are getting worse and it's even in my arms now. How will I get to classes with all these problems I have? Or carry books around? I can't walk normally and struggle daily. I had an EMG done but it came back normal and now I have to see a neurologist to brainstorm on why I'm having these problems. I've noticed that even folding my laundry is a struggle because now my arms are acting up like my legs do. They are getting achy quick. I feel like it's a constant battle with myself. My mental health is moreso stable and that is about the only good news I have. I was put on an anti-depressant called Trillinex which was giving me a crazy driven and restless feeling at night. That is, before I started taking the medication at night which now gives me a slight driven feeling throughout the day. My hygiene is back on track where now I'm taking a shower every couple of days or more depending on my mood, which I suppose is more great news to be shared with those who understand the effects of having Depression along with other Mental Illnesses. I'm getting better at work as well. I don't seem to be struggling as much as I was last month or so and I'm finding it easier to get the tasks done in a timely manner. Another big thing is that on Monday May 1st was the last time I consumed an alcoholic beverage. I had 1 beer that day and haven't popped open a can of beer since. That, I feel, deserves a pat on the back. The last thing for my update is I decided to go Vegan to help me lose a little weight seeing as exercising is a difficult action to perform these days. The only problem with being Vegan is that I get extremely pale in the face and my lips get discolored. I went to my bank last Friday to deposit my check and withdraw some of my funds and the teller had commented on how pale and uncomfortable I appeared and that maybe I should go to the Emergency Room. I was slightly embarrassed even though she was right. I was uncomfortable due to my leg pains and upon a picture I snapped when I got to the bus stop, I was extremely pale in the face. You could've mistaken me for a ghost minus the lack of transparency. I really hope I start getting some answers and solutions soon!