Christmas Blues

Christmas Blues

How was your Christmas? Honestly, mine was a disaster. My sister was being a selfish drunk ass on Christmas Eve and Christmas day, my parents had both been drinking the whole two days as well but they can hold their alcohol a little better than my sister can. So because of my sister's drinking she mainly laid around and was being a bitch. My mom was very snappy at me getting mad at me for every little thing I said. I decided i'm no longer going to talk to her since everything I say gets twisted around anyway and leaves me very frustrated.

another horrible thing is the kids came over which was more teenage testosterone than I could handle. The fucked up thing about that is their mother had the audacity to not even show up because sleeping was more important than thanking my parents for the $50 dollar visa cards they purchased for each of her five fucking kids. None which show any gratitude thanks to this woman's lack of effective parenting.

The night ended with me disappearing up the stairs to my bedroom with my dog at 6:30 PM and staying up there the rest of the night because I was tired of my sister's lazy drunk ass and my mom's snapping at me for everything like a fucking crocodile. She got mad at me for telling her I was gonna pick up a little and for offering to put an uncooked pie away. like who the fuck gets mad at someone offering to help? I'm now done talking to my mother as I have previously said and I'm way done talking to my sister.

What I find almost funny about both of my parents being alcoholics is that my dad would exchange concerns with my mother about her health from drinking when he too drinks all damn day long and was adviced by doctors not to for his health. Despite sharing my concerns being a recovering alcoholic myself. (October 28th, 2018) I'm rather tired of their excuses. "We'll quit after the holidays" which I don't believe for a second. All they do is make up excuses to drink again. stressed about this or that. but I shouldn't drink because I have nothing to be stressed about. Like hello do you ever thing how you act towards me isn't stressful? You don't see me picking up a bottle at every turn of an imaginary stress.

I craved beer like crazy this holiday but I fought the craving. it's too bad when you live with a bunch of weak people. I hope things look up for me soon. This lack of being able to escape to work every day is going to kill my spirit. plans are get my son off to school every morning and then hide out in my bedroom until it's time to pick him up. then ignore my family. it's not like they're gonna quit drinking. I swear it's going to literally be the death of them. I'll be happy when the season is finally over and just be done with this bullshit

Holiday Hopes

Holiday Hopes

With the Winter holidays coming up I'm anxious to say the least. Thanksgiving was horrible and I stayed in my room because I can't stand the family who came over. Hopefully Christmas and New Years go much better.

I really hope my son likes his Christmas gifts. I got him 4 things from his list. I even got him a Back To The Future III hoodie because that's his all-time favorite movie. Luckily that one should arrive on Christmas Eve just in time to be wrapped and put under the tree.

I was nice and bought my mom and aunt presents this year. My Aunt is a dog lover and had heard about A Dog's Purpose so I bought her the box set of the two novels in the series. I'm anxious to see if she likes them. For my mom, I bought her a pair of pajamas that feel cozy.

I'm looking forward for the year to be over honestly. It hasn't really been my day, week, month, or even my year for the matter. I lost weight, gained it back, got laid off, got emotionally hurt, got into fights with my family. I pray God takes the wheel this coming year and starting over.

Getting Back In The Habit

Getting Back In The Habit

I have been slacking terribly at my fitness routine and keeping healthy. It's been months since i've properly exercised aside from occasional walks while on break at work. I have to find the motivation to get my lazy ass on the bike or use my videos that actually kick my ass. They've been collecting cobwebs in my bedroom.

I guess it can be a New Year's resolution but shitty part is who makes one and keeps to it? I've gained all but 3 lbs back of the weight I lost. It's rather depressing. Maybe I'll watch workout videos and force myself to get up and move. Even if it's for 30 minutes a day and work up to like an hour of exercise. What would be really nice is if I could get addicted to working out. I had previously for a short time but turned out to be a manic episode. Very short-lived. 😒

What are your suggestions for a 274 pound woman to get back in shape? I already know portion control (which I have been trying more) and eating healthy. What else? Exercise is a given but what should I begin with? Would meditating and Yoga help? S.O.S What kind of food should I eat more often that might help burn fat? I have a Fitbit but it doesn't motivate me much which is a complete bummer.

I guess it's all about determination and baby steps. Soon I'll have plenty of time on my hands so I can start getting into a routine. 🙏

A Republican Geared Venting

A Republican Geared Venting

I had a friend that completely pissed me off when it came to her political stances. Normally i'm not against Republicans and no i'm not saying they're all the same but in Trump World people are becoming absolutely ridiculous. They are very immature and say and do cruel things. The one thing that made me comment "spoken like a true Republican" is that she had the 'i'm right, you're wrong' attitude.

There is controversy over the 1949 Christmas/Winter classic titled 'Baby It's Cold Outside'. Some say it's against the 'Me Too' movement, other's say it's older and shouldn't be taken so literally. I told my "friend" that I can see both points of view. she offended me by telling me i'm wrong that there aren't two sides of the spectrum. Now I don't normally talk about politics with Republicans because it rarely ends well and oftentimes ruins friendships. The 'my thinking is the only right thinking' mentality pissed me off. It seems to be a trait among Trump supporters I've come to notice.

I see both sentiments on many things and can solve arguments most of the time because of it. I have a 'both points are valid points' attitude. This is why i'm neither Democrat nor Republican and I believe in God but don't practice any one religion or rarely disclose my faiths, or watch nationwide news, I prefer local news personally. First of all, I don't like to associate myself with anything that divides us as a people and a country. and secondly, I have some values of the Republican Party and some views of the Democratic Party. That is just who I am. But to tell me my views aren't valid triggers me as I suppose would trigger anyone and make them rather defensive in a situation.

I'm sure she called me a sensitive "snowflake" whatever the hell that means i'm still not sure. I personally think it's a stupid reference. We only communicated on Facebook and I stopped notifications associated with her posts and unfollowed her on social media. I suppose you'd say that was the "straw that broke the camel's back" for me.

Not to insinuate that all Republicans are bad, most of my biological family are Republican and they are like me, they don't start political debates. Sure they post political crap on their Facebook timelines, but I figure, their timeline their right. I can't tell them not to post. I'm also guilty of posting political memes but they're mainly Trump mocking pictures because of how idiotic he is. How any man or woman could vote for him is beyond me. He's immature, inhumane, incompetent, racist, sexist, etc. The list goes on damn near forever.

If you are a Republican and have the "only my ideals matter" fuck you! If you're a Republican who sees two sides to every story, Let's talk about the weather shall we? I don't mind having Republican friends as long as you don't say stupid shit like she did. RANT OVER.

Getting Closer

Getting Closer

As I mentioned in my last post, i'm getting laid off from work. At first reality sunk in "how will I pay my bills?" but now that I think about it, It will be nice. To keep from becoming completely depressed i'm considering this lay off as a vacation of sorts. I no longer have to wake up at 7:00 A.M which will be nice. I'll be able to see my son off to school every morning and go back to bed after for a while if I so choose. I won't have to change out of my jammies and go out into the bitter cold weather. although I still wonder how i'll be able to pay my bills; i'm putting my faith in God that it'll all fall into place and he/she will have my back.

Another thing effected by time for me is that my job is for an organization that provides services to disabled and elderly. I'm not old which is a given but I do have my mental illnesses such as Bi-Polar type 2, depression, Generalized Anxiety and ADHD which does make it hard for me to even pass interviews for jobs. I did my intake for services yesterday Dec. 5th and my boss said as soon as I get a couple sheets of paper to my psychiatrist, she'll expedite my case to start immediately in what they call eligibility. This will be to help me find another job. They say I should be easily place-able so I have faith that it's true.

I really don't have anymore worries about not having a job. Things will fall into place as they should. They also gave me a plan B job offer which makes between $9.75 - $10.50 per hour but is full time and includes benefits. the only problem with that job is that it's in the evenings from 3:00 P.M. - 11:00 P.M which is a bit of a bummer. It's really the only reason why i'm not sure if I just accept the job offer. What would you do? At any rate, I am applying for other positions I find online so wish me good luck!