Losing My Motivation

Losing My Motivation

I don't know what's wrong with me. I used to feel so determined and driven. Now I feel like a failure. I still haven't done my prep or placement tests for school and I feel I've lost the motivation to even go through with it and I hate myself for it! I'm moving in June and will only have two days to myself during the normal week since I will be changing my schedule at work. I also went to my psychiatrist yesterday who put me on an anti-depressant which is supposed to increase my drive to do things. I really hope it works because like I said I feel like a complete failure and so depressed! I haven't been showering regularly anymore and it takes longer than a week to get laundry from the previous week folded and to do laundry from that week. I have no idea what happened. Was it a manic state of being the whole time? Is what I am like now my normal? If it is, I am disgusted with myself. I want so very much to go to school and follow my dreams and heart but now I have no motivation or drive to take the needed steps to do that. I honestly couldn't feel more low than I do at this very moment. I let myself down and most of all I let my son down. He deserves a better mother that will fight battles to ensure he has a blossoming future. At this point in time I'm battling myself and haven't the strength to win over this mental illness. It's a constant battle. Why must life be so difficult? I really wish it were smooth sailing and easier but I guess that wouldn't be much fun. I need to get my drive back and go to school and stick to it. for my son and my own sake I need to do something with my life. Perhaps I will try again in the Fall semester. give me a little time to get my drive back and get back on the right track mentally. I need to go back to school and succeed even once in my life. Perhaps this fall when I've had a chance to let the meds work and get settled into my new living situation and get a handle on how the routines will be there I will be able to take the step to go back to college. I just have to keep it on my mind.