Restless

Restless

Have you ever had one of those nights that whatever you try to do you just can't settle in and fall asleep? I am having one of those nights. I don't know if it's because I'm Manic again or if it's because I had a Monster Energy Drink at 5:30 pm. I read for a little bit and when I checked I had about 35 chapters left in my book. I turned out my light for a whole 2 minutes and before I knew it my light was back on and I was reading again. I checked again and I had 25 chapters left. I decided to go downstairs to finish loading and run the dishwasher so that when I woke up tomorrow morning, i'd only have to unload it which would take all but 5 minutes to do.

I cleaned up the kitchen and emptied beer cans and collected them into a plastic bag and put them by the basement stairwell. I also made myself a sandwich for work tomorrow complete with a sliced tomato. Now i'm writing this entry and will probably read again once I get into my room. If I wake up bright eyed and bushy tailed at 6 am after lacking my usual 10 hours of sleep i'll know it's mania. I thought it had gone away with my 2-3 days of feeling weighed down and sluggish. I barely did anything those few days except dishes and hung out sitting on my ass. I had told my mom that maybe this new found productivity isn't mania because after those few days it came back. She said "mania or not try to keep it like that." My parents have been proud of me lately and it's improving our relationships tremendously.

I take joy in doing things now that I used to not bother with. For example, I actually prefer to wash the dishes by hand. I'll do it as long as it's not overbearing with huge nasty dirty piles to clean up in which case, i'm glad there's a dishwasher available. Whatever doesn't fit in the load in the dishwasher however I will pleasantly wash by hand. I don't know what it is. Maybe I like the feeling of doing something productive, or maybe it's the extremely warm comforting soapy water splashing against my hands and arms as I scrub pots, pans, and dishes in the sink. I also enjoy reading as of late. I had finished one book and moved on to the next. I have tons I had bought at the local library bookstore that I had never gotten to reading. I also ordered 3 more books online that i'm excited for their arrival. Another thing I've been doing is taking my son out more often. To the playground or the library. I find I can enjoy some reading as he plays. I do need to try to get some sleep. I wonder how long it'll be until I finally crash.