Thursday, August 3, 2017

Doesn't Even Count

Doesn't Even Count

So things went south with the guy I once talked about. The British guy. He told me he just wants to be friends and then sealed it with a purple heart. I told him he doesn't have to send me those anymore and he responded with "ok bye" and that was that. I blocked him and moved forward. It was so brief I can't even categorize him as an ex. So the whole thing doesn't really count right?

I personally prefer to be single. No men to answer to, no one dictating what you do or wear, no jealousy or drama, at least not from your man. I still deal with a lot from my parents but now the only "men" I have to answer to are my son and my father. That's more than enough for me right now to be honest. I told him before I blocked him that i'm better off single anyway. It's true! I'm clingy, can be the abnormally jealous type, I can go off easy and get extremely ignorant when I do, I get hurt easy because I wear my heart on my sleeve. I pretty much set myself up for failure. Luckily I bounce back rather fast. I wasn't even hurt that I got dumped I didn't hurt when my new friend who had been occasionally flirting with me got a girlfriend. Go him! I told my best friend it was one less thing to worry about now the chance of "feels" as it's called now.

I don't ever really let anyone in anymore. Last person was my best friend and she's the only one not to ever disappoint or make me regret it. I've learned better than to let men break down the wall that surrounds my heart because when it goes south, i'm in no way emotionally crushed by the fact. I end up indifferent. I guess my heart really isn't on my sleeve anymore. I tell the guy what he wants to hear even though I know he's not truthful and saying what he thinks I want to hear. well honey, two can play that game and I just might beat you at it.

You are actually a stronger person when you're single. Get to make your own choices without confiding in another for agreement. You don't have to depend on anybody, You can do bad all by yourself. It's rather nice and makes you independent. Yes, Independent. no co-dependant, not a dependent, independent.

Here's an example: My unofficial ex husband jumps from woman to woman, relationship to relationship whispering all the sweet nothings anybody could want to hear. Pretending to be the perfect doting gentleman. He's been engaged to two different women within' 4 months of them being official. It makes me laugh at how gullible they are and how desperate he is. He's not really a strong man. He can't stand to be single and is dependent on these women when he does stupid shit like use his money to move to a different state where there's no security. He doesn't have jobs or a place to live and therefor depends on them for shelter for himself and our son. All the while never filing for a divorce from me.

He seems to have it in his head that I will forever be a perfectly good bailout plan whenever things don't work out with his mistresses. When he has to move back into his poor grandmother's house and pretends only then, that our marriage still matters. Sorry dear, i'm not falling for that bullshit for a 2nd time. Last time I fell for it, he said he was going to rejoin the military and my son, our son, me, and him would be a family again just to find out a week later that he left me again for a new mistress. The hilarious thing is they buy into his crap about how he's filing for divorce and he claims to not know where I am or how to get in touch to send me papers. They also feed into the "you're the mom to my son" because he wants nothing to do with me so he goes on trying to replace me in our son's life with every new woman he hooks up with. I really feel bad for our son. The Topsy-Turvy life he must be living in.

Men like him really tarnish the reputations of the truly good men that may still be lurking about. With his help, I've turned into a biter, jaded, and guarded woman I am now. Who really needs a man anyway? Life is so much better without all that mess.

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