Adoption

Adoption

As some of you may well know, I was in the foster care system from age 3 to age 14. I was then adopted by my parents and took their last name Bar. I was raised by this family and always felt apart of them even knowing who my birth parents were. While in foster care I felt torn in half being pulled one way or another between my birth and adoptive parents. I would be living full-time with my foster family while getting visits with my birth family. When my birth parents split up I really only visited with my birth mother. My birth father however, would visit for Holiday's and such.

My birth mother was always strong, a fighter, but everyone comes to their breaking point. I remember when the judge called out his decision on my adoption day  it broke her heart and I saw her cry for the first time. I comforted her but she hadn't looked at me the same since. Contact beyond that was a minimum. She was never one to make the first move when it came to contact and remained very distant. I tried to have a relationship with my birth sister, her brother, and his children but that didn't go very well either.

My dad wasn't at the proceedings. He had a new life with a new wife and kid. We would have overnight visits occasionally. I was completely replaced by his new trophy daughter ms. thinks she's better and above all else. Sure she became a makeup artist and moved to L.A. sure she can sing but guess what dad, she never made it to American Idol did she? Not to mention she had lost her virginity long before you'd hoped she would. She's really not all that special. Alas, That was his choice. If I had let him, he would have used my life as a revolving door for the rest of  his life which is why I blocked him on all platforms and don't answer calls from unknown numbers. I had texted him once to see how he was and his response was "Who is this?" Thank you dad, that was all the assurance I needed to stop the charades, block your ass and move forward with my life.

My adoptive family was very good to me. They clothed me, fed me, comforted me during nightmares, changed the bed sheets every time I got sick, and spoiled me rotten, My siblings loved me. My brother was my favorite he always tried to spend time with me and get me into things he liked which were mainly Comic Books, Batman, Aqua Man, Dick Tracy, and music like Rancid, Billy Idol, and Green Day and last but not least, our favorite comedian Jim Carrey. For my eldest sister she would take pride in teaching me how to sing "The tide is high" and being like a second mother to me. She was always there to give me cuddles when I felt down and wipe away my tears. She even let me play teacher and her and my other siblings along with a couple of their friends would sit down for story time and act unruly to drive me crazy We're still pretty close even though she's living in California with her husband.

My whole family have put up with a lot of my bullshit over the years. The running away to other states, the escaping with men for a place to stay the night, the hurtful things i'd say. I was a really cruel person in my youth and honestly I wouldn't blame them for resenting me for it. I had taken advantage of my eldest brother once and he wired me $400 that I spent on stupid shit when I ran off with an old boyfriend 6 years back. I have since apologized to him numerous times for my selfish act and assured him that as soon as i could, i'd pay him that money back. He had forgiven me and didn't want the money back, he said "the way you can pay me back is by taking good care of your puppy."

Into my adulthood back 5 years and 2 months ago, I gave birth to my youngest son and he changed me. I stopped running away mostly except for one time when I had my last Hurrah-Hurrah. I would still say mean things but I was thinking that was mainly bipolar related I wasn't medicated like I should have been. My parents resented me for my youth for a very long time and we'd get into altercations constantly because I wasn't earning my keep and was still taking them for granted. 

Recently since being put on the right medications, I've been doing a lot more to help them out. I know they are not getting any younger and I've been cherishing the moments we have together. Not everyone is as lucky as I was to be chosen by a family. My birth parents weren't ready and in the end never were going to be. I was hand picked by a family willing to adopt a troubled child without any prior knowledge of what my teenage years would bring. Adoptees may be made fun of a lot I know I was but I would just smile and say "yeah? well my parents picked me, yours are stuck with you." Whether it be by blood or adoption it's not DNA that makes a true family, it's the unconditional love you have for one another.